Before we consign the Easter hols to history and I return to the pile of coursework that I've been conscientiously neglecting for the past fortnight, a quick word about our expedition to Moss Bank Park that took place last week. As the photo illustrates we encountered some pretty wild creatures while we were there, but no species more exotic than that which we believe belongs to the genus Chav. On the day we visited there had clearly been an infestation of these specimens and they were roaming across the park.

This particular variety of the species carried the distinctive plumage of their kind - hooped earrings, snide Burberry, unfeasibly orange pallor - but it was their shrill cries that really caught the attention. One particularly brazen specimen was occupying a bench adjacent to our own, from which she emitted a lung-bursting cry of 'Rhhhyyyysss!!!' at two second intervals. These were punctuated with equally ear-drum shredding threats of 'I'll effin kill him when I find him!' Quite sensibly, Rhhhyyyysss!!! stayed well and truly hid.

Olivia was captivated by this strange, screaming creature. Mummy and Daddy were petrified. Next day we went to the Garden Centre cafe. No chavs there.