It is hardly surprising that Olivia appears to be hiding in the above shot. As of yesterday morning she became a Wanted Woman, a fugitive, an outlaw on the lam from the forces of law and order. The shame currently being felt by her guilt-stricken parents can hardly be described. Her crime? So heinous that every tap on the keyboard as I spell it out is sure to send a jolt of hot pain rushing up my arm. In short, Olivia received a letter warning her that her library books are overdue.

Is this how it starts? Is the inevitable ASBO barring her from the children's books section for her recidivist tardy returning ways just a matter of weeks away? Will we ever be able to hold our heads up high in the literary salons of Bolton again? I wouldn't mind, but I told her she could renew them online, but did she listen?

The shame is simply too much bear.