According to a report published earlier this week, children below the age of 3 should not be exposed to any television whatsoever, not even Deadwood and The Soprano's. Plonk them down in front of the telly box and you are signing them up for a lfetime of autism, obesity, attention defecit disorder, and several other labels used by assertive parents to deflect attention away from the fact that they did such a lousy job of raising their kids.

With this in mind here's a shot of Olivia from earlier today settled in front of United's clash with Fulham. I think the expression on her face is as eloquent an appraisal as you are ever likely to find of United's dismal performance for the first 88 minutes. You can almost feel her dismay at another wayward Rooney pass leap from the screen. No wonder that prior to kick-off she confided that she shared my own misgivings about United's ability to last the course as the season reaches its climax.

And anyway there'll probably be another report published before the years out claiming that if you want your child to grow up healthy and fully-rounded then you must ensure they chalk up a minimum of three hours per day in front of the box.