Olivia's New Years Resolutions:

1) To get more wind up: Over recent weeks Olivia has developed a violent dislike to the idea of pausing midway through a feed in order to expel a little gas. Indeed the mere sight of a pink muslin is enough to see her adopting a posture in which her whole body stiffens and her fists are tightly clenched in a manner that says, 'Wind me at your peril!' We can't decide if this is due to the fact she resents the interruption to her happy state of guzzling, or whether, demure young thing that she is, she objects to being forced to belch in public. On reflection, and considering her enthusiastic wind-breaking at all other times, I think we'll put it down to the former.

2) To stop chewing her hand: Some people use New Year as a chance to knock unsavoury habits like chewing one's nails on the head. Olivia goes a bit further than chewing a mere single nail; she gets stuck into five at once. Rare are the moments when she is not attempting to cram her fist into her gob at the moment; a delightful trick at parties or if they ever bring 'The Word' back to TV, but not so great on such a regular basis.

Those two habits aside, Olivia vows to go on being as perfect as she currently is.